| Cold Cereal By Jeffrey A. Moses BATTLE CREEK MI. - Former television star Tony the Tiger was found dead yesterday in his Battle Creek MI. apartment, apparently strangled to death with his own tail. This comes just 9 days after the body of Cap’n Crunch was also found strangled to death in his Beverly Hills Ca. Home. Police sources say they are hopeful of catching the perpetrator(s), as both crime scenes are yielding valuable evidence. Battle Creek Police Chief Jerry Kellogg says, “Even though these murders are separated by almost two thousand miles, we believe they are related”. Beverly Hills Detective David Post revealed that a clue found at the home of Cap’n Crunch, who was best known for hocking dangerously jagged, barrel shaped cereal to millions of children, could only be described as a “Green Clover”. Battle Creek detectives have also revealed a clue found at the Tiger crime scene. They are describing it as simply an “Orange Star”. FBI profilers have been asked to get involved and a preliminary profile has determined that police are looking for a smaller than average man, probably Irish, and probably paranoid. Tony the Tiger, best known for his catch phrase, “They’re Gr-r-reat!” was a staple on American television for over 30 years. After a well-publicized stint in the General Mills clinic for addiction to the designer drugs Special K and Cheerios, Tony the Tiger was on the road to recovery. Best friend Sonny Bird, best known for being “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” and a recovering addict himself says, “When Tony hit rock bottom his brain was like Oatmeal, he was forced to turn Trix just to support his addictions”. Police sources say they have questioned notorious pimp Sugar Pops extensively and have cleared him as a suspect in the murders. Sources also say they are uncovering a Honey Comb of twist and turns in the life of one of America’s most loved icons. Tony was arrested in 1997 for attempted robbery and passing bad Chex. He was subsequently acquitted in 1999 after his high-powered legal dream team of Snap, Crackle and Pop convinced a jury that it was a case of mistaken identity. Friend and former lover Honey Bee said, “Tony was trying to revive his once thriving career”. He had a role in Gansta rapper 2Can Sam’s latest video for his hit song “Froot Loops”, and Tony had just auditioned for a role in the new Woody Allen movie “Grape Nuts”. Funeral Services are scheduled for next Monday at the Cinnamon Life Center, with burial to be at the Quaker Memorial Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, the family request a donation be made to the Geriatric Organization for The Manipulation of Idiotic Little Kids, better known as GOT MILK. Police and FBI officials fear they are looking for a cereal killer. |
| Crazy Thoughts These are some of my crazy thoughts... Enjoy! |
| The Duel This is a story, ‘bout two old friends, Who had a falling out. Of course, it was over a lady, Was there ever any doubt? See one of them was dating her, Till the other one moved in. But the lady didn’t really like the one, She really liked the friend. One looked at the other and said, “Meet me at high noon, I’m gonna shoot you dead my friend, At the Crazy Horse saloon”. The other looked right back and said, “If you’re looking for a fight, Meet me there, at that old barn At eleven o’clock tonight”. One looked right back, at his old friend, And said “eleven o’clock it is”. He thought “I’ll shoot him dead right there”, Then the lady would be his. But the lady had another man, The two friends weren’t aware of, She thought, “If they kill each other, I’ll still have the sheriff”. The two friends met, in that old barn, At eleven on the dot. One looked at the other and smiled, And the other fired a shot. It missed the one, who ducked away, Just as she walked in. The bullet hit her, between the eyes, And the one lost her again. As she lay dead in that old barn, The other quickly ran. The one moved closer, And looked up her dress. “My god, this girl’s a man”. The two friends were arrested, And swiftly thrown in jail. Neither one of them had money, So they couldn't post the bail. They were both, tried and convicted, Of the killing of the man; That they thought was a lady, But was just a guy named Stan. See, the moral of this story, Is as simple as can be. Don’t let a lady, ruin your friendship, Especially, if you don’t know she’s a he. Jeffrey Allen Moses, 2000 |
 |  |  |  |
| Rhyme Time As infant’s they inject us with vaccines that should protect us from diseases that infect us and may decrease our time there are those that will neglect us and a few that will reject us some just may respect us life’s not always sublime alarms just might detect us policemen can suspect us and then try to inspect us if we commit a crime computers can connect us mirrors can reflect us instructions can direct us and words can sometimes rhyme medicine can correct us Viagra might erect us autopsies will dissect us if we die in our prime. Jeffrey A. Moses, 2001 |
| That Old Cliché… His glass house is now shattered, from the stones that he has thrown. His true colors are now revealed, his secret life is blown. He cut off his nose to spite his face, yet, he committed no crimes. The pot has called the kettle black, one to many times. He tried crossing the bridge when he came to it, but it’s one he had burned down. He had all his eggs in one basket, they are now scrambled on the ground. He was up the creek without a paddle, yet he still had a boat. Between a rock and a hard place, is where he left this note. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, you may not like the view.” “Do unto others”, the note went on, “as you would have done to you." Jeffrey Allen Moses, 2001 |
| Unreality What if dreams were reality, And reality dreams. And silence not silence, But actually screams. What if going to sleep, Really made you awake. And what you thought real, Was actually fake. Things you thought wrong, Were actually right. And closing your eyes, Was actually sight. And all that you learned, You already knew. And the millions you had, Were only a few. What if reading these words, Could open your mind. And this was reality, Because you were blind. Jeffrey A. Moses 2003 |
| A Poem for America 911 is meant for emergencies, it is now a date in history. The haters of America, rained terror down on thee. They attacked us on our soil, in New York and in D.C. The haters of America, tried to bring us to our knees. So many innocents lost, on the ground, and in the sky. The haters of America, they have made a nation cry. In this, the land of the free, and the home of the brave. The haters of America, sent thousands to their graves. The nameless, faceless cowards, attacked us with our own. The haters of America, will soon have to atone. They thought they could destroy us, And divide us with their hate. The haters of America, do not know the UNITED States. To all of those who suffered My prayers go out to you. To the haters of America, now you shall suffer too. Jeffrey Allen Moses, 2001 |
